


from keeping safe and keeping distance

by QueenOfSkaro



Series: from keeping safe and keeping distance [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gryffindor, Harry Malfoy, Harry is not a Potter, Hogwarts, M/M, Minor Character Death, Surprise Pairing, kinda unstable!Harry, letter from the grave, please bear with me I was practically a baby when I wrote this, there is violence but it isn't graphic, translation from german
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-10-22
Updated: 2016-05-09
Packaged: 2018-04-27 14:52:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,812
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5052982
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenOfSkaro/pseuds/QueenOfSkaro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Harry turned 17 he received a letter from Lily Potter, turning his world upside down.<br/>But he is used to living in a mess and this particular one got the name of his parents written clearly across.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the letter

**Author's Note:**

> I really need to point out that I wrote this in my early teens, so it may not be very good.  
> But, seeing as this is the longest fic I ever wrote its kind of my baby and I'm incredibly proud of it.  
> Just, you know, at least try to be nice xD  
> Further you need to know that I originally wrote this in german (which I'm uploading here too) and now tried  
> to translate it to english. If anyone wants to help me / thinks they can do better (which is probably 99 percent of  
> whoever even reads this) I'd be overjoyed if you write me!  
> That being said,  
> have fun reading this.

It all started with a letter.  
A damned letter that appeared in front of me at midnight the 31st July just when I came of age. Out of nowhere, but I really shouldn't be surprised any longer.  
I just wanted to congratulate myself like I do every year - especially after I didn't have any friends who would do that anymore - as this bloody thing appeared. Of course I was curious, but Merlin, I wished just after reading I hadn't been!  
My name on the envelope was written in a familiar handwriting, but I knew I hadn't seen it ever before. I knew why after reading.  
I knew it was from my mum. It smelled of lilys and lavender and I could see her in front of my eyes. Sitting at her desk, smiling despite her knowing that she'd probably die soon. Just one time after her death she wanted to tell me that she loved me, just wanted to congratulate me to my birthday.  
What a mistake.  
She cried, that much was obvious from the blurred parts and her shaky writing.  
I had to shove the mental image of my crying mother to the back of my mind, I really didn't need that for my birthday.  
I started reading.

_My dear Harry,  
you'll only get this when James and me are dead._

I should have known to burn the thing right then and there.

_I really don't know how to tell you, because this is nothing  
one should ever write in a letter, but you need to know it nonetheless. _

I started to doubt I even wanted to know, but I was a gryffindor through and through, I was dumb and naive. Brave, but right then just bloody stupid.

_I don't know how much they told you, but we are in hiding right now._  
If Dumbledore got you first - and by Salazar I hope it was Tom who got you -  
he probably told you that we hid from Voldemort, but that isn't true!  
We hide from Dumbledore! 

I started laughing hysterically. I couldn't believe my mother would write this. She wrote about a Tom and I would bet my whole Gringotts vault that she was talking about Tom Riddle. She wanted that bastard to get his hands on me? What kinds of drugs did she take before she wrote this?  
Alright, I knew already that Dumbledore wasn't some nice grandpa, but I couldn't fathom why my parents should hide from him.

_We are deatheaters, honey. And we spied in the order for Tom._

That, understandably, stopped my laughter. My parents, my gryffindor-parents should be deatheaters? And spies? My subconcious pointed out that at least I knew the reason for them being hidden, but that didn't actually matter now. Everything in me yelled that my mother was a muggleborn and so very much not deatheater material.

_You need to know that we love you and nothing could ever change that.  
You will always be our little baby. Even if not by blood._

My eyes grew wide as saucers. Not by blood? **Not by blood?** I continued reading before I got too agitated, I wanted to have some good explanations after all.

_You're the son of very good friends of us._  
It was too dangerous for them to keep you.  
As we took you in we weren't in danger yet and after we just couldn't reach them anymore. 

Which, alright, good explanation, but still I couldn't get over my inner voice screaming **liar**. My head started throbbing.

_I was pregnant, but just a week before we took you in we lost our little Harry._  
We needed to give you that name too, because Dumbledore already knew about it.  
I doubt that he knows you are not ours, but just to be sure we put an illusion charm over you. 

I didn't even think that far, of course I looked like dad. Or James, seeing as he obviously isn't my dad.

_Your real parents are_

I wasn't even sure I wanted to know. I always thought Lily and James were my parents. Did I want to know? But - there was a possibility that they were still alive. I took a deep breath and continued reading. My wish for a family was obviously selfdestructing.

_Narcissa and Lucius Malfoy._

My mind was blank. I couldn't think, not after such a statement.

_You have a twin brother named Draco._  
Please don't be mad at them for giving you away, Lucius father is really strict.  
There was always only one Malfoy heir allowed, preferably a boy.  
Abraxas Malfoy would have killed you if he knew you existed.  
They only wanted to know you in safety.  
You have no idea how hard it was for them, they love you just as much as Draco. 

I only registered that I was crying as my tears fell onto the parchment. I wiped them away resolutely, I didn't want to cry. Not because of stupid Malfoys and the irony of fate and seventeen lost years where I could have had parents and the fact that Draco is a spoiled brat whose parents - and mine - loved him above all else and I only had the Dursleys. I still cried, I wasn't able to stop.  
The Malfoys hated me, I didn't doubt that. And I prefered having dead parents who loved me over living ones who hated my guts.

_If you didn't have already, please contact them._  
They would love to have you back!  
In undying love,  
Lily and James 

I sobbed loudly and crumpled the letter angrily. What were they thinking writing something like that? But just as quick I smoothed it out, read it again and again and again.  
The words didn't change and the content stayed the same too.  
And I came to a decision.  
I would take the Malfoys to task.  
How dare they ruin my life, how dare they give me away and how dare they not telling me that I'm their goddamned son?


	2. goodbye dursleys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry does some things and goes some places.

It was hard to regain the control over my emotions, they were all over the place. I was so furious that there was just another part of my life no one bothered to tell me about - a giant one at that - and then again I was so depressed I lay down on my bed and rolled in on myself, crying.  
It was somewhere around one o'clock when I didn't have any more tears and I could think about my further plans. I needed to get out of here, that much was certain.  
I sat up and started packing the things I wanted to take with me, which basically was a fresh batch of clothes for the next day.   
After that I tiptoed down the stairs, stepping over the creaking steps and stopped in front of my old 'room', which was now the place the cleaning stuff was stored. A quick move with my hand opened the door surprisingly easy and I got my suitcase, put my clothes in, took my wand and was ready to go.   
Just then I heard my uncle cursing and rumbling down the stairs.  
Damn!  
I tried to make it to the door, but my uncle got there just in time to hold me back. He started beating me without saying anything, but that wasn't necessary, I wasn't exactly subtle about my plans to flee. I wasn't sure if he knew I was allowed to perform magic now, but he probably didn't. He wouldn't have hurt me if he knew.

I pulled my wand from my jeans pocket and shot him with the first spell that came to my mind - the sectumsempra. It was the highlight of my summer to see him there covered with blood. I was too high on the satisfaction to worry about it. I cursed him again and I knew he would die, but I couldn't bring myself to care. Draco almost died after getting hit by the curse once.  
The man who wasn't really my uncle screamed and my not-aunt and my not-cousin came running down and started to screech something awful as they saw Vernon. The screaming stopped and I missed it already, cursing myself for forgetting to put him under a stasis. They treated me like shit, called me a freak. They had it coming for a while now. Vernon and Dudley hit me on a daily basis, bad enough Madame Pomfrey went through the roof whenever she saw me after the summer, but I always begged her not to tell anyone.   
I couldn't be weak.   
And now I wasn't anymore.

Dudley tried to get a hold of my wand, but I shot hex after hex at him. Belated I put the whole house under a silencing charm, because I didn't want the police to spoil all my fun.   
And fun I had. Having lost track of time I just came to myself again seeing three corpses in the little downstairs hallway, feeling a downright creepy grin on my face. It was their own fault. If Vernon didn't came for me, hitting me, they would still live and I wouldn't be drenched in blood. They killed my hastily put together plan too, I could hear the sirens outside, having cast the charm too late. The police would be here any minute and I wouldn't be able to take a shower to get rid of the blood.  
I needed to decide **now** where to go. The Leaky Cauldron was out, of course, for obvious reasons and the only other place still vividly in my mind was the Malfoys, so I took ahold of my suitcase and apparated.  
How I knew where to apparate I wasn't sure, but I came to in front of a giant house that screamed 'pureblood', so I was indeed certain that I was right. And, come to think of it, I was standing on the property, which meant that I passed the protection charms I could feel all around me. I once read in a book that the old families took care to only let their blood in, only keying other people into the protection on exception. And seeing their hatred for me I really doubted they would key me in, which only proved Lilys letter right. The thought didn't bode well with me. Another thought did, however, namely waking the Malfoys while covered in blood and screaming blue murder. I started beating on the door, which was opened soon enough by a houseelf.

"What can Minky do for Sir?", she peeped. I ignored her and waltzed into the entrance hall, looked around and was reluctantly impressed with the interior.   
"Sir, you can't -", the elf tried, but I didn't give her a chance to finish her sentence.   
**"Malfoy!"** I yelled through the manor and didn't have to wait long for banging doors, hurried steps and seven wands pointed at me. 

"Really, daddy, not nice. Is that how you greet your long lost son?", I asked in an icy singsong voice.   
" **Potter!** Good heavens, what do you look like?", Snape snapped. Narcissa was already sobbing as she lowered her wand.  
"Oh, mummy, what a wonderful surprise. You remember me.", I piped up in a fake cheer.   
I looked at everyone and couldn't quite believe who I saw besides Lucius, Draco, Narcissa and Snape. Two men I didn't know, but one was painfully familiar.  
"Forgot to tell me you're not dead?", I asked Sirius, feeling angry beyond belief. How could he lie to me like that?  
"Harry, what happened? By Merlin is that blood?", he asked, shocked, without deigning my question with an answer.  
"Oh, oh yes. That was quite funny you have to know. First I get a letter from Lily and James saying I'm not their son, you see, obviously I am more Malfoy than I ever thought possible. And then as I wanted to go Vernon came and couldn't keep his hands to himself - like always. So I killed him. And Petunia and Dudley too. But then the cops came so I had to flee and I thought - why wait with the family gathering?", I shrugged unaffected.

They were all quite shocked, but lowered their wands at last, except the two men I didn't know, one of them red-eyed.  
"Oh, Voldy. Where's the snakeface?", I chirped, fake cheer back.   
"Potter.", he hissed, but it was obvious that he was pretty confused, seeing that I didn't even had my wand out, much less was attacking him, but I couldn't bring myself to care, not with everything that was spinning in my head right now.  
"You killed the Dursleys?", Sirius asked outraged. I snorted unelegantly.  
"Yes. And why aren't you dead?"  
My godfather flinched like I hit him.  
"Maybe we should sit down somewhere to talk. Tom, Salazar, lower your wands right now, Harry doesn't have his drawn either!", Lucius snubbed and I had to grin in triumph.  
"Yes, Tommy, do as my daddy said!", I piped provoking, for which I got an angry look in response. He still put his wand away, just like that Salazar guy. And you know what, I wasn't even surprised anymore, because for all I cared he could be Slytherin and I wouldn't bat an eye. 

"I could show you a room for you to wash and change, alright, honey?", Narcissa asked cautiously and I nodded after a chilling look at her. Of course she didn't want me to ruin her sinfully expensive furniture.  
"We meet up in the parlor.", Lucius ordered, before I followed the blonde woman up some stairs. The blood got itchy on my skin, so I wasn't exactly sad to get rid of it. Her silence was proof for me that she didn't want to talk to me, even though it was probably more of a sign for her love, her trying to give me some time to calm down when all she wanted was to hug me tight, but - you know, I was blinded with anger and didn't think that far. I tried to think of some colorful insult to throw at their heads once I got out of the shower as we arrived at the room she intended for me.   
"Do you have some fresh clothes to put on or do you want me to get a houseelf to look through Dracos things for something that fits?", she asked, still cautious not to spook me. I shrugged and threw an "I don't care" over my shoulder before disappearing into the bathroom. I didn't hear her sobbing, just went into the stall and started to wash all the blood out of my hair. My old clothes were already vanished.


	3. talk

I entered the bedroom and found clothes lain out on the bed. Clearly Dracos.   
It would have been pretty inconvenient if not, I only now noticed that I left my suitcase in the entrance hall.  
The second I got dressed I heard a pop and a house elf appeared, handing me the letter of Lily. It must have been in my bloody jeans - and it showed, too, there where clear stains where the blood had seeped through the material.  
"Sir follows Sally, please, Sir." the elf piped and, after putting the piece of paper into my pocket I did follow. I wanted some answers at last.  
Coming to a stop in front of white ornate double doors I pushed them open without knocking. It wasn't as if I was raised for manners and I didn't feel guilty for showing them. 

Whatever they were talking about, any conversation stopped upon my entrance, as they were too busy looking at me. Ignoring the stares I slumped onto the nearest free seat without waiting for an invitation.  
"So. Why aren't you dead, Sirius?" I started after we eyed each other up for a few moments. My patience was running thin with them staring at the black eye Vernon gave me yesterday or - whenever.   
"Harry, I'm so -" he tried, but I couldn't stand to listen.  
"Not what I wanted to hear. I don't bloody care how bloody sorry you are. I just want to know why it was necessary to let me mourn for an entire year, because what else did you think I did? I don't even know how many nights I didn't dare to sleep so I wouldn't have to listen to you blaming me for your death!" I spit out, angry enough that it was satisfying to see him jerk away a little. But he probably knew the best way to get in my good graces again was to give me some explanations, so he gathered himself.  
"He saw my mark, Harry. If I hadn't faked my death I really would have died. The veil took me to Slytherin manor. And ... I haven't told you because you stood on Dumbledores side." he said and I could clearly hear how sorry he was. Not that I cared too much right now, I was too busy being furious.

"Do you really think I would have betrayed you? And anyway, you had to know I wasn't a Potter. Why didn't you tell me? And why didn't you tell me about you being a death eater?"   
"Would you have believed me? If I told you who you thought of as your parents where spies and that Dumbledore isn't anyones nice grandfather, would you have believed me?" Sirius asked quietly. The look I gave him was positively frigid.  
"I would have believed you anything, because you were always the only one who didn't saw me as a hero and really saw me as myself. For all I care, you could have told me Snape wears a bright pink nightgown, I would have believed you without so much as a question!" I had to keep myself in check so I wouldn't end up screaming.   
Snape scoffed and it was all too clear that Sirius tried not to grin, just because it wasn't the right time for it. What threw me off was Tom chortling. I probably looked at him as if he had two heads, but for the record, I was the only one who didn't know him as anything even remotely human. All the others were friends with him. He snorted.  
"What is that look for? You were funny." he said while crossing his arms in front of his chest with a pout. Completely against my will I wasn't as angry anymore. At least for a moment, then it was back.

"Why did I have to grow up with the Dursleys? I guess my dear grandpa is dead or else you would have thrown me out already."  
Lucius gave a little nod.  
"He died two years ago. That was the time we told Draco, he didn't know before either. He was too easy to read for my father, the risk was too great. If we had taken you in he would have killed you, Harry. We thought they treated you good! Severus always said -" he tried to explain but I interrupted him at that point.  
"Snape thinks I'm a spoiled brat everyone treated like a king and I could tell him a thousand times that it's not true, he wouldn't get it anyway." I snarled, throwing the professor a mean look.  
"Have a little respect, Potter. Even if you are the boy-who -", he started, but I wouldn't hear the end of it.  
"Shut up! Shut up, dammit. What was it you didn't understand just now? My relatives never spoiled me rotten. Are you really that thick not to understand it? My uncle and my cousin loved to beat me up on a regular basis, that's why they're dead now.", I yelled at him.  
I only noticed that I jumped out of my seat as Narcissa carefully touched my shoulder to guide me back into it.  
"What do you think -", he tried again, but I wouldn't let him finish now either.   
"Whatever. I don't care what you think. You are absolutely nothing to me, beside the times I can't stand your sight." my tone was just as cold as I felt.   
The arse looked at me as if he got hit. I guess no one ever told him, but I doubted that I was the only one who felt that way.  
Lucius cleared his throat despite the hint of pride in his eyes for me standing up for myself. And, okay, he looked pretty amused too. Thats Slytherins for you.  
"Well - Severus always said that you were cared for where you lived and we never had a reason to doubt that. You were Dumbledores golden boy, we really thought he would take proper care of you. If not, we would have taken you in two years ago. It was too dangerous until then. And then - well, you couldn't stand us and I do know that it was our fault. In your first school year Draco didn't know that he's your brother, I only told him to befriend you, but the weasley brat interfered. And the time we met when you were twelve years old you already had your fixed opinion of us. And, plainly, that is just how we present ourselves in public. That's why you had to learn the truth for yourselves. You'd never have believed us.”, Lucius finished with an honest look on his face.  
I snorted derisively.

“Oh please, Draco was acting like a right bastard.”, I noted.  
“Hey! I was eleven, alright? And you just don't go hurting a Malfoys pride.”, Draco grumbled with an obvious pout. I stared probably exactly as I did as Tom chuckled.  
But I didn't know the Malfoy like that.  
I knew him cold and calculating. Not this – human.  
“You were still an arse. It's no wonder I declined your friendship. You insulted the first friend I ever had!”, I growled, feeling fierce about my once friends for the first time since I knew the truth.  
“How should I've known that? It was just one of a whole bunch of weasels for me.”, Draco mumbled and I sighed, stroking through my hair.

Watching them I took them in for a quiet moment. Draco continued pouting, Sirius watching his hands for the most part, only throwing me a cautious look once in awhile. Snape apparently tried his hand at a silent, wandless avada kedavra, while Lucius only watched me with an expression more open than I ever thought a Malfoy could look. Tom repeatedly blew a strand of hair out of his face and Narcissa was crying silently.   
Salazar – was looking at me weird, but I was used to that and didn't bother to ask for his reason. I probably didn't want to know it anyway.

Leaning backwards I hid my eyes behind my arm, feeling confused and helpless and unable to think of what to do now.  
My wish for a family was so strong and now they were right here. My family. My Siri. I only had to reach out to touch him, to assure myself that he was really alive.  
Thinking of his death made my heart stutter again. I never came to terms with it, only shoved it as far away as possible – not with much success, mind, but I tried.  
In need of a distraction I let my eyes rest on Salazar.  
“Why are you still alive, Sir?”, I asked in my most polite tone of voice which made the others look at me with confusion and relief, thinking I must have calmed down and accepted what they told me so we could be a big happy family now. They'd see their mistake soon enough.  
“I'm a vampire.”, Slytherin answered soberly. I nodded, because what else did I have to say to that?

My hand returned to its place over my eyes, blocking the others out to get another piece of quiet.   
The worst thing was that I did understand them. Sirius would have been in danger again if he told me and I'd blabbered to Dumbledore. It hurt that he thought he couldn't trust me, but I couldn't put it against him, not really.  
Dumbledore was a manipulative bastard, I could easily imagine him reading my mind without me noticing, which probably was the reason I wasn't told in the first place. It still hurt, though.  
I mourned for a year for my godfather, I was downright miserable.   
Behind my hand I risked a look at him and he really did look like a sorry excuse of himself. I couldn't imagine that everything was played and that made me sure that he cared about me. Sirius was always there for me, always listening. That wasn't a lie, I was important to him. Which didn't change the fact that I wasn't going to forgive him this easily. I needed time to take in that he was alive and well, a death eater and that everything besides him caring for me was a lie in my life.

Rubbing my eyes I looked tiredly over to Lucius.  
“Am I allowed to stay? They are probably already looking for me for multiple murder, so I could actually understand if you rather wouldn't.”  
“Of course you'll stay. For however long you want to, darling. Sleep it over, we all understand that it's a lot to take in. We'll talk more tomorrow.”, Narcissa replied hurriedly before anyone else could get a word in.  
“I think it's better for him to stay with us, Narcissa. Dumbledore is just looking for a reason to search your house and someday he'll find one. And if he finds Harry with you he's probably going to cart you off to Azkaban for kidnapping or some such nonsense, no matter what the boy says.”, Tom threw in.  
I looked on blankly, I didn't care too much which house I could sleep in as long as it contained a bed for me. The doubt was clearly written over Narcissas forehead but at last she nodded in determination. No matter what I claimed before it was proof to me that she didn't care to have me near.

“Alright, Draco, go up and pack your things, we're leaving for Slytherin Manor.”, she declared and my eyes grew wide. They wanted to leave their home and move, only because of me? It didn't make much sense for me, but I couldn't get myself to ask, as I was way too tired at five in the morning.  
The Malfoy men looked at each other and nodded.  
“We have to talk later, Harry, it is really important. Your change is due this night and you need to know what's coming.”, Lucius cautioned and I nodded, just shoving it away. There was a point you reach when there is just too much bloody input in too little time and I passed that point probably a little after midnight.

“Oh great, a pajama party in my house. Anyone thought about asking me?”, Salazar griped and crossed his arms. No one exactly cared much for it.  
“Severus, you're coming too. Harry has got a black eye and as his uncle beat him often he'll probably has more wounds you'll need to take care of.”, Lucius ordered without listening to the upcoming protests of Snape and myself, turning towards me.  
“Are you hurt elsewhere?”, he asked simply and with a clear look that quiet plainly said that no matter what lie I came up with it would be detected. I only nodded.  
Growling he was probably angry at my relatives or my own stupidity for not saying anything sooner. He turned towards Snape.

“Pack your things and follow us. Draco, Sirius, you too. Ciss, you'll go ahead with Sal and Tom, Harry needs to sleep. I'll come as soon as I packed a bag for us.”, Lucius uttered the next order and left the room, Draco and Snape on his heels.  
With a deep sigh I asked myself what I stumbled into now, but I still stood up as I felt Narcissas hand on my shoulder.  
“Are you hurt badly, Harry? Do we need to have it looked at before you sleep or will it suffice when you're rested?”, she asked gently. Shrugging, I told her it would suffice after I slept, but mostly because I really, really needed this bed now – I felt wary and thinskinned and I didn't like the feeling. No broken rip would change that.

Salazar and Tom entered the fire place first and Narcissa and me followed. She then took me through beautiful corridors I didn't have an eye for to a room that was furnished more expensively than all of Dudleys birthday presents put together.  
Without taking my clothes off I fell face first onto the thick beddings and was gone as soon as my head hit the pillow, sleeping through the first time my real mother covered me with a blanket and the softest, sweetest, most heartfelt kiss onto my forehead.


End file.
